Dr. Dirt

Grumbling, I wiggle and stomp my feet into filthy, dirt encrusted sneakers while questioning my intent for a trail run.  Mud chunks slab off the uppers like glaciers calving into the ocean.  With each step, dust and dirt fall to the ground and I'm highly annoyed by the mess that usually is ignored. For whatever reason, today I am Mr. Cranky Pants.

I Deserved It

Fresh snowfall piled heavy on limbs and smothered the ground in a thick layer of fluff.  Getting a late start, other trail users had already pounded a worn path through the powder, to include fat-tired mountain bikes.

Nature's Way

A sunny afternoon suddenly had an explosion of magpies squawking around the house.  Like a scene from some weird horror movie, they fluttered all around and I stepped outside. Black and white feathers darted in every direction and quick movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention.

Best Buy

What was that? Something had caught my eye out in the middle of nowhere from a poorly maintained, dusty county road. Was it a reflection from within the sagebrush choked landscape? An unnatural shape boldly standing out?  Bright colors contrasting so vividly that it brought attention to itself even through my poor color vision?  I eased over to a wide spot in the road to turn around.

Humbled

Gasping for air, I fully recognize my endurance has suffered by resting a relentless IT band issue. A racing heart compliments my rapid breathing as I console myself while gazing at the trickling mountain stream and the few remaining leaves bravely clinging to the trees.  But, I suddenly hear footsteps from behind and quickly spin.

Is that a moco?

"C'mon!  This way!" yelled the driver to his friends as they fled from the stolen BMW he wrapped around a metal traffic light pole. 

"Hurry Up!"

Howard

This blog honors dogs and the following entry from a guest writer is self explanatory. 

Howard Napping On The Sofa

Moustache Unplugged #32

hehehe...he left the computer on so I'll work on my letter...

Dear IT Bands,

You brought me to a crippling halt exactly 2 months ago where my steep descent off Hope Pass was a whopping 2 miles per hour! Google says some caterpillars move faster...how embarrassing!

Colorado's Tough Mudder 2015

"This year's Arctic Enema obstacle has changed," announced Sean Corvelle during his Tough Mudder pre-race motivational speech.  "It's more arctic," he stated with teeth flashing from his big smile. "And it's more enema," he added while all us racers nervously laughed along with him.

Massive Mania

Mount Massive is properly named, he's a bruiser. Boasting a long ridge line with five summits over 14,000 feet, he is Colorado's second highest peak with a high point of 14,429 feet above sea level. Four additional high points transforms this huge chunk of real estate into a monster and touching all nine in a day is labelled "Massive Mania."

Sounded like a fun challenge.

Poised & Ready

"Stop, police!"

He spun in the dark shadows behind the grocery store and feverishly ran from the voice. Tripping over a curb, he regained his balance as he hit the wooden fence. Splinters stabbed into his hand as he scrambled over the top and dropped hard on the other side.  Involuntarily, his legs sprinted as his brain, panic stricken from the officer's sudden appearance, wondered what he had done.

Old Goats

Summiting Colorado's tallest mountains is a curious thing.  The state boasts over 50 mountains exceeding 14,000 feet (the number varies due to different opinions of what qualifies as a 14er) and I'm always amazed how many people are out steadily putting one foot in front of the other, in thin air, to reach the pinnacle to only turn around and head downhill to return to the trail head.

2015's Leadville 100 Trail Run: Becoming a Statistic

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face,” stated former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson.  While seated in a gymnasium full of runners, the Leadville 100 trail run (LT100) founder, Ken Clouber, recited the quote but added his own touch of flair to the statement.

“And the Leadville 100 will punch you in the face…lots of times!”

I felt ready for the fight.

Moustache Unplugged #31

hehehe...he left the computer on so I'll work on my letter....

Dearest Nyx,

Remember me?  I embraced your tragic story of slowly cooking to death in the back of a police car while ranting in Moustache Unplugged #19 and have kept quiet for awhile. But, here of late, additional tragedies are sucker-punching me and my whiskers are buzzing in anger.  So, it's time to let 'em rip.

Honey Buns

You waddled as you walked and constantly had something to say when noticing someone nearby.  A loner by circumstance, not by choice, you would approach as if desperately seeking friendship and it was always good to see you.

Coin Flip

Which way do I go?

Emerging from a high mountain trail choked with aspen trees, I stared at a wooden post, weathered gray from years of punishment being staked out in the inhospitable environment.  Rusty nails had one little wooden sign with an arrow whittled in it pointing right while another similar sign had an arrow pointing left.  The faded acronyms on each were absolutely meaningless, so I went left.

Homegrown Nursery Rhyme

Trotting up the dusty mountain trail, I noticed the distant snake stretched across the path sunning itself. Getting closer, I didn't mind its presence. It was either a harmless garter or bull snake that I would simply jump over, or, it was a rattlesnake that I would respect by going wide around it.

Hanging out at Hardrock 100

"And, who are you?" asked the attractive former record holder at ultra-marathon distances.

"Me?" I responded to her in a startled voice, "I'm nobody."

We were in a quaint coffee shop amongst world ranked athletes, record holders and endurance specialists all gathered in Silverton, Colorado in the days leading up to the Hardrock 100.

Life Straws

Let's see. Going up the pass gains about 3,400 feet and dropping down the other side to the turnaround point will make 10 miles. Retracing my steps back up and over the pass sounds like an awful 20 mile training day of misery.

Without A Rope

"Get ready," Neil announced in preparation of throwing the tow rope.

Suddenly, a flying snarl of snakes was in the air and landing on the rear deck of the boat where I grabbed the tangled mess to avoid it slipping back into the water. To my utter amazement, he was tailing the boat around the lake as if there was an invisible force keeping him at a precise distance.

Moustache Unplugged #30

....hehehe, he changed the password, but I hacked back... and undetected I will take the opportunity to work on a letter....


Dear Self-Important Mountain Biker,

You were decked out in full crash gear to include a helmet with a wrap around face guard, shin protectors, knee pads, and thick gloves. Apparently, your high speed goggles were either too tinted or fogged up to notice the rules of the trail since you were to yield to me as I trotted up the single track trail and we collided...

Spartan Beast in Breckendridge 2015

What am I doing here?  Look at all these people! 

Six-pack abs here, lean biceps there. Chiseled torsos, sculpted butts, sweeping quads with strong calves...and all covered in new, skin tight spandex or exposed in dainty race attire. And the dudes?  Pretty much the same thing...muscles, tattoos and vividly colored name brand clothing.  And, everyone was sporting the latest and greatest trail running shoes. I had no idea the Spartan Race series was followed by such a fitness crazed cult.

High-Heeled Sneakers

"What are you doing back?" asked my surgeon upon entering the examination room.

"Well, it's not because I missed you," I replied, thankful that Doc puts up with me.

Triple Crown Sweetness

"So, American Pharoah, it'd be awesome if you win the Triple Crown, but you probably won't."
"The Belmont eats horses and American Pharoah doesn't have it."
"History clearly shows that American Pharoah will be the next horse to almost win the Triple Crown."

The Beer Relay

"Seriously? A trail run relay that actually deducts time, like a reward, for drinking beer?" I wrinkled my brow. Obviously, I misunderstood something or my buddy was playing a cruel joke.

"Yup! True story. So do you want to do it?" Neil repeated and appeared totally serious.

"Heck ya!"

Selfless

"Should I recognize you?" I quizzed the man with the snow-caked beard. "Didn't you win the Leadville Trail 100 run last year?"

"Oh," he chuckled with teeth flashing through his Grizzly Adams whiskers. "I was actually the second fastest beard in Leadville last year as I ended up in 7th place."
__________________________________________________________________________________

Moustache Unplugged #29

hehehe....undetected, I seize the moment to work on another letter....

Dear Politically-Correct Wordslingers,

I solemnly watched the news on this Memorial Day, eternally grateful how others have secured my freedoms while living in the United States. The news dribbled on...and on...and on. Never once was it said how this day was to honor those KILLED while serving this country. Instead, that word of violence and terror was strategically avoided and repeatedly replaced and sugar coated with "the ultimate sacrifice."

Leon

With longing eyes, glancing up as I passed, they suggested, "Can I go down with you?" His tongue dangled out of a gray flecked muzzle as he mechanically trotted uphill behind his caretakers. Ever since that first encounter, I have admired the same aging dog at varying spots throughout the trail system always moving forward, dedicated to keeping his caretakers in sight.

Imprinted

"Aha, there it is," I stated to the yearling Hereford bull while vigorously scratching the swirl of hair on his back.  With a cocked head popping up and down in glorious delight and in rhythm to my scratching, he rolled out his long tapered tongue, making curlicues with it.

CrossFit Endurance????

"I'm going to teach you how to run," said Valerie Hunt, our CrossFit Endurance Instructor with impressive credentials. I maintained my poker face as the words slapped me and I began to wonder.

Wait a minute! Teach me to run? I paid how much money to be taught something that was naturally learned shortly after being weaned off momma's milk, wrecking the crib and fleeing to hide? Teach me to run... What other basics in life are you planning on teaching?  Chew?  Sleep?  Breath?

Moustache Unplugged #28

hehehe....undetected, I seize the moment to work on a letter...

Dear Mindless Dog Hiker,

As I closed the distance catching up to you on the single track trail, I noticed your bounding dog frantically dashing around like a fly trapped inside of a window. No leash? I guess that explains the neon yellow doggie vest so you can spot him up to a mile away. Suddenly, his goofy brain focused on me and he transformed from a buzzing fly and into a charging bull.

Hippie Chickens

Another broken egg! I grumbled while mucking out the gooey mess from inside the nest box.  Who's doing this? I directed at the feathered flock who gathered around me. Beak by beak, I conducted an inspection and found no incriminating bright yellow egg yolk.

Horse Smarts

The decomposing rancid odor of death suddenly punched our nostrils while heading up the overgrown logging road. If I screamed, no one would hear me while alone in the bottom of the desolate canyon. Somewhere concealed in the shadows, branches cracked, and a hasty spin had us headed back down in a controlled trot. I kept glancing back to ensure we didn't need to sprint.

Wanderlust

W A T E R

Survival hinged on those five simple letters inked with black magic marker, in bold block print, on a shard of cardboard torn from a beer box . Recycled twist ties from dumpster diving behind a forgotten bakery were looped through the top of the advertisement, attaching it to the back of his backpack. West Texas gusty winds fanned the sign like mud flaps on semi trucks as the thirsty man trudged forward along the dusty shoulder of Interstate 10.

Hokas & Hornets

Holy smokes, look at those things!  They look like Frankenstein boots with an athletic flair!  Who in their right mind would buy such an absurd looking tennis shoe?

Well...I did.

Moustache Unplugged #27

hehehe...undetected, I seize the opportunity to work on my letter.....

Dear Uptight Trail Runner,

You took an absolutely magical moment and, with your sourpuss attitude, wrecked it. Fortunately, your nonsense is not contagious as I still embrace the beauty, grace and artistry of the moment.

Everybody Needs One

Alone, crouched down on a rotten landscape timber behind an abandoned strip mall, he tips up his 24 ounce can of Hurricane High Gravity malt liquor and pulls another hearty swallow. It's quickly emptying as he stares off into the distance. Sloppy graffiti, dumped furniture and rubbish strewn about the area are invisible to him as tears well up on his lower eyelids while lost deep in thought.

Surprise Endings

Knuckles rapping with purpose on the old wooden door sounded miles away in his hazy stupor.  Persistent pounding on the peeling paint invaded his fog-like trance stemming from a 3 day meth binge. He secretly hoped someone else strung out in the living room would address the piercing racket, but no one flinched from their catatonic states. Haggardly, he stood and rubbed his bloodshot eyes, scratched skin so itchy that it felt like ants were crawling all over him and yanked up his baggy pants that used to fit. Greasy hair was pasted to his forehead as he staggered towards the front door.

Moustache Unplugged #26

hehehe...undetected I take the opportunity to work on my letter...

Dear Vail Resorts,

Your huge, land grabbing, resort hoarding, guest focused conglomerate really disappointed me last fall. Having knowledge of some of your massive holdings, I know that you know better...and you failed miserably.

Annual Update

One year ago right now, I was strung out on pain killers with a Achilles tendon that had been sliced from my heel bone and a sheared bone spur extracted from the interior of the cord.  Since the tendon was yanked off to the side, Doc thought it was prime time to grind the heel bone to perfection.  He then literally nailed the tendon back in place and I experienced pain that could not be tuned out.  Bigger and better doses got me through the tough days and I literally was bedridden with nothing to do.  Stir crazy was an understatement.  Being task oriented and self diagnosed with OCD, I struggled with all the thumb twiddling. With the help from a gracious friend, I created this blog that provided an outlet to occupy all the idle time.

Broken

Beside you, our connection was virtually telepathic. We need not waste words since we could share an entire conversation without making a sound.  Time spent together was never taken for granted, it was simply sequential pieces along the timeline of life that we enjoyed being side by side.  The thought of you not being around was too distant, too far-fetched, too ridiculous. But, it happened.

Butterfly Wings

"What's that?"  I asked myself while detecting a slight tickle at the back of my throat.  I tilt my head in self-evaluation and administer tests of swallowing and open mouth breathing. "Guess it was nothing," I shrug and continue through the day ignoring any further signs.

Moustache Unplugged #25

hehehe...undetected, I take the opportunity to work on my letter...

Dear Mr. Self-Important,

Remember me?  After packing out a rock sling, a steel digging bar and a rake for nearly 1.5 miles on a rocky trail, you, from the comfort of the trail head's parking lot, rudely accosted me.

Stick with It

"Go over, get behind her and drive her down to join the group," the father told his daughter while pointing across a grassy ravine to a lone cow doing a poor job of trying to hide from the commotion.

"Okay!" said the excited 11 year old as she stomped on the Gator's gas pedal, still learning how to drive the 4 wheel drive machine that looks much like a golf cart on steroids.  She sped off, long blond hair flailing in the wind, as dad worried she would crash in a hidden washout.

Moustache Unplugged #24

hehehe...I'll seize the moment to work on my letter....

Dear CDOT,

H-O-L-Y      C-R-A-P!

I've kept quiet, biting my tongue while seething amongst 6 miles of parked cars on I-70 this summer, but now must release some pressure because your daftness is REALLY making my whiskers violently twitch.

Cleared

"Just cool your jets...you're doing this to yourself," stated my surgeon as I honestly admitted my Achilles was still not feeling 100%. "The MRI shows no tears or detachment, just inflammation from an angry tendon."

"Cool my jets?  Heck, there's only a sputtering candle flame! And screw that angry tendon, it's a wuss that is really interfering in my life," I replied.

So, with the wave of the computer mouse and a simple left click, the doctor's electronic signature cleared me to resume living life.