Dear Colorado Parks and Wildlife,
While peacefully minding my own business in my house, my whiskers uncontrollably twitched upon hearing a sound from the past. I freeze, ears straining, and soon confirm what I thought I heard. There it is again, proof that the enemy has returned!
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| THE ENEMY |
I listen each spring to the "yack-yack-yack-yack-yack-yack" and the signature metallic drumming the flicker makes in the neighborhood while trying to impress a mate. Over a decade ago, these pesky, oversized woodpeckers made swiss cheese out of my stucco sided house and I tried all kinds of remedies that were pointless. Plastic owls, shiny ribbons that dance in the breeze, balloons...all the reccomendations you offer on your website. None worked, so I called.
Remember me?
We argued and argued about your birds damaging my house and I was basically told, "tough shit." Then, I used the analogy from my ranching days when elk would break into hay stacks and cause thousands of dollars of damage that you guys quickly reimbursed. Baffled, you stuttered and stammered and then scooped another load of B.S. onto my lap to deflect me off topic. I kept my laser beam focus and you flat out refused to reimburse the damages caused by your flickers.
Well, for whatever reason, they're back...............and so am I.
Instead of another telephone conversation, this letter is an invitation for a face to face meeting. Please, come to my house for supper. This way, you can personally see the devastation the little fuckers, oops, I mean, little flickers, impose.
Plus, I discovered a delightful crockpot recipe I'd like to share. It's called woodpecker stew.....
Looking forward to our meeting,
The Moustache
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