Hehehe...undetected, I've grabbed the opportunity to work on my letter...
Dear Principals of Elementary Schools,
In no way do I blame the following on you, but I must remind you of something that occurs on your school grounds twice every school day. It involves the ultimate display of human self-importance and I hope you hire one big, hairy legged, knuckle dragging, tobacco-spittin', hard-ass P.E. teacher to be your enforcer.
Clearly painted and marked on the front sidewalk of your school is the Fire Lane. Multiple signs clearly stipulate NO parking. Understandably, you extended the generous offer to use the fire lane as a Hug 'n Go zone during the student drop-off time in the mornings. Well, most human beings are selfish and lazy so naturally they have morphed the Hug 'n Go zone into a Sit 'n Scratch zone. The fire lane plugs up in the morning like cold bacon grease in hardened arteries. This blockage then creates stunt driving from other self-important humans who are chronically late but yet still expect a front row seat.
These late arrivals jockey through the tiny parking lot in an effort to maneuver to a better position in the Sit 'n Scratch zone. If other late arrivals are noticed, tires screech and engines rev during their pursuit of self-indulgence. These schmucks are totally unaware of parents, kids and teachers on foot who are dodging their careening through the lot.
This exact behavior is repeated at the end of the day, but a new element is thrown into the mix. As the fire lane reaches its limit of parked cars, the lot then fills. Once all parking spaces are occupied, oblivious parents then park, lock and walk away from their car that is sitting in the aisle between parked cars! Are you kidding me? These same parents lackadaisically return to their cars with the next generation of self-importance, in no way recognizing they prevented others from leaving. Even if they somehow realized the world did not revolve around them and actually recognized their mistake, they could not lower themselves to offer an apology.
Worse yet, you have a day care van parking zone where some parents interfere by parking their car in that zone. My whiskers uncontrollably twitch with such behaviour of arrogance.
Should your P.E. teacher/parking lot enforcer need help, feel free to contact me for assistance.
Best of luck and thanks for listening,
The Moustache
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