Red Stripe

The cloudless blue sky makes for an intense afternoon sun as I ease my car into the parking lot at the trailhead. Several unoccupied cars are scattered in the lot as I quietly slip out of the driver's seat and gently push the door closed to keep the area quiet with solitude. I glance around to get a feel for the surroundings and something catches my eye. 

It's red, beat up and laying on top of a yellow painted, concrete pedestal that serves as a stout base for a parking lot light.

 

 

 

Initially, it appears to be a small fire extinguisher that is commonly seen in kitchens for grease fires. Finding it out of place, I look closer  and read remnants of the mostly missing label that declares it being a can of bear spray.  All these years trail running and I have yet to see a bear, but someone had armed themself with some serious, kick-ass pepper spray for the chance encounter.

Curiously, I give the can a shake and can feel the contents slosh inside. Having never felt compelled to buy a can, I take the opportunity to learn about bear spray.  "DO NOT SEEK OUT ENCOUNTERS WITH BEARS..." was actually printed on the label, no shit was my reflexive thought. And, because we are such a lawsuit happy society, the manufacturer tries to limit liability by printing how the spray is a deterrent, "...BUT MAY NOT BE EFFECTIVE IN ALL SITUATIONS OR PREVENT INJURY."     Um, duh! 

Multiple dents dimpling the canister indicate how the owner must have dropped the can repetitively on pointed rocks. Being somewhat fascinated by the invention, I wish that the label was intact to permit my reading more about the product. As I handle the can, I look for some sort of safety mechanism to prevent the thumb trigger on top of the handle from being activated.  I hook my forefinger in the designated loop and rest my thumb on top and continue to scrutinize the set up for the safety feature...hum-de-hum, doo-tee-doo....

PPSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTT!!!!!!!!

Whoa!  Holy shit!  A stream of bright red mist fires out of the nozzle at least 25 feet into the parking lot.  Thankfully, I had it pointed away as it nearly jumped out of my grip like a handgun going off; I shutter on the thought of the potential facial from the can where my eyes would have been blown out of socket and my face would have melted. The highly pressurized discharge took me by surprise since I thought I was only resting my thumb on what ended up being a hair trigger.  I'm so glad I wasn't looking into the nozzle when it exploded....but wait, I think I just figured out how the pepper spray is designed to counter bear attacks, and to think I almost found out the hard way.

My version of what's printed on the missing label goes something like this:

"IT'S IMPERATIVE TO STAND YOUR GROUND.  RAISE CAN WITH NOZZLE AIMED AT CHARGING BEAR.  WHEN BEAR IS AT ARM'S LENGTH, DEPRESS TRIGGER WHILE DIRECTING SPRAY INTO BEAR'S OPEN MOUTH.  UPON SEEING RED PEPPER CLOUD JETTING OUT OF BEAR'S ASS, RELEASE TRIGGER TO PREVENT WASTE.  NOW WATCH, AND HEARTILY GIGGLE, AS BEAR RUNS AWAY TO DRAG HIS HIND END IN THE WOODS--VERY SIMILAR TO HOW A DOG SCOOTS HIS BUTT ACROSS SHAG CARPETS. REHOLSTER CAN OF UNUSED SPRAY AND CONTINUE ON HIKE."



Sorry, it's the best visual I could come with (nothing to steal off the internet).

I left the can where I found it, minus a stripe of contents blasted onto the pavement.  I hope no one sits there to stretch before or after taking to the trails...otherwise they might be scooching their butt across a car seat while frantically driving in search of ice cubes...